A Man's Thoughts

this is really long, boring, somewhat personal..but i have nowhere else to write it lol

i hate father's day, always have, always will.
and im 100% sure it's because i never met my dad.
like the soap opera my life is, my dad died the day i was born - 5/16/89
and then my brother (father of two) passed on 8/26/2006
and HE never met HIS daughter because she hadn't been born yet either
so yea, i have some bad attitudes towards the holiday
but i've looked at the past 3 years of my life, and i've just been doing my job...
no need to celebrate lol i take my job pretty seriously
which is why "babydaddy" bothers me. it comes with a derogatory connotation.
it's just like half of every dollar i get is hers , cause that's MY daughter
she looks just like me =) and it's like hearing Barney songs
"just imagineeeeeeeee, just imagineeeeeeeeeee" (Youtube it lol)
and brushing our teeth, and guess who can comb some hair?
this nigga right here !!!!!!!!
stuff like that is a daily thing.
and i guess father's day is a day of "reflection" for what he's done
but i HOPE that she reflects (when she's older) everyday
and realizes that her daddy couldn't go party in the summer
cause he's working ALLLLL THE TIME lol
plus i don't really mind, i like feeling useful lol
and everybody's like "you work so hardd, what do you want for father's day"
and i'm just like......money.....so i can re-furnish Sidney's room....lol

i was out in Cali with my boy Chris for 2 weeks
it happened, couple weeks later i got the IM, not the call, the IM lol and i didn't really care, i had enough money to support said child (hm...) and we both thought it was a boy from what the doctor said. and i picked BRANDON. Brandon T. Miles, i was hype i was SO hype lol and then ... a girl. a GIRL? i was tight i was SOOOO tight lmao and i had to pull a name out my ass, and i picked Sidney. why? cause that day i'd watched that Disney movie Seventeen Again, idk somebody in that movie's name was Sidney and there you go! Sidney Ray Belizaire.

now, i can proudly say, that since Sidney's hair has grown 22x what you see in the picture on the right side, that i know how to condition and blow dry and tease her TANGLED ass brasilian,colombian,jamaican,portuguese hair and all that shit lmao i know how to take temperatures and fold laundry and i know how to fix those "i wanna sleep with you" moments, i know a lot of things.

Happy Father's Day, to my young fathers, young mothers who double as fathers
to my own stepfather
to my late father, my late brother and all my passed fathers